Some people call their books their babies. I love babies. I do not love my book.
The only reason why I began it at all is because I liked the idea and I knew it could sell. Retellings are "the thing" this year, just like dystopians were super popular before (and still are, of course, but now retellings are claiming the fame). A modern Jane Eyre retelling? A moral protagonist within a fresh setting? Yes please! It's a book I would read, so I made it a book I would write.
I do like my main character, Josie, a little bit. She's independent and proud, but in the end she learns to say she's sorry while not losing her confidence in herself, even if she reacted too strongly that one time. But I really don't care that much about her. If she went at my school, we probably wouldn't be besties. She'd be fun to hang out with, but not someone to really talk to.
I had a lot of fun transitioning the old English setting into a modern American one. Instead of being a governess for Mr. Rochester's child, Josie is a foster kid at the Fairfax-Rochesters'. So that was fun.
There's a thin line between simply not getting the fuzzy feelings for something and truly not caring. I don't get super emotional about many things (and when I do, I usually shouldn't), but that doesn't mean I don't care. I may not be as enthusiastic as my friends are about their plans, but that doesn't mean I don't support them. It can be hard to get me excited.
There's a thin line between the two, but I think I crossed into apathy toward Permanent Ink a long time ago, even though I like the title. I don't owe my book anything. I don't need to apologize for not writing. It's like apologizing on your blog when I haven't updated it in a while. You own your blog, you blog should not own you. Take a break if that's what you want! Your readers won't get angry, I swear. Although I do feel bad for wasting the time of my critique partners, but I guess I can remember what they pointed out and apply it to whatever I do next.
Because this doesn't mean I want out of the publishing industry--heck no! I have put too much interest in it to sever my ties. I'd love to be an editor at a publishing company. I'm good at noticing flaws, getting emotionally invested in other people's characters, and staring book covers (yep). And I'm not done writing either. I have a Swan Lake retelling I might like (I haven't touched it since I finished the rough draft last November, so I don't remember. I did at the time though). I have another idea dancing in my head.
Come to think of it, listening to Owl City's "This Isn't the End" while writing this post was prooooooobably not the greatest idea. I may get back to Permanent Ink some day (maybe tomorrow--my brain is fickle), but for now, I think I'll take a break. And that's okay.